Most therapists decide to become a therapist because they have have a belief that something about who they are can be helpful to those who are in need of support, encouragement, and finding solutions in their lives. As the program director of a master's and doctoral program in marriage and family therapy, I have been…
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Repair Must Match or Exceed the Conflict
Dr. John Gottman has clearly identified in his literature that "Repair Attempts" are necessary for a couple to be able to recover from conflict. I would like to explore a few different explanations for this relational dynamic, and how you can implement repair in your relationship. I believe that each couple relationship will experience conflict.…
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Experiencing Therapeutic Progress
Most client's come to therapy discouraged and disheartened about making changes in their current situation. However, it's exciting to see therapeutic progress. I would like to explore this from two perspectives. First, advancements in the early stages of therapy can reduce the intensity or breadth of the presenting problem. Through self disclosure, exploration, clinical experience,…
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When Client / Therapist Relationships Aren’t a Fit
Most therapists want to believe that they are a good fit for their clients. I remember the first time a client fired me as their therapist. I wanted to find some external reason to describe why the client stopped attending, mostly because I didn't want to face the possibility that there was something that they…
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COVID-19 and Social Distancing
During the COVID-19 pandemic, our society has been invited to or legally required to manage a degree of social distancing in order to slow the spread of the virus. While we should comply with legal requests or demands to stay safe, we also need to find ways to continue social interactions. I would like to…
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COVID-19 and Telehealth
During the outbreak of COVID-19, many mental health providers are turning to Telehealth solutions so that they may continue to provide services to individuals, couples, and families. Here are a few things to pay attention to when receiving Telehealth from a mental health provider.Your provider should be using a HIPAA compliant platform when providing you…
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How Change Happens in Couples Therapy
By the time a couple seeks treatment in my office, they have typically made many attempts to change on their own. The attachment in the relationship is weakened, distance increases, and permission has been given to engage in conflict. Couples know that something has to change, but very few know exactly what to expect throughout…
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The Role of Guilt
I often hear clients report that they experience guilt and shame in relation to life experiences or presenting problems. Usually, these terms are referred to in ways that share the same meaning. In this article, I would like to explore how therapists perceive these two terms. One can be a very useful way to explore…
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Divorce Adjustment: Dating
After couples successfully complete the daunting and painful process of divorce, how do they individually know when they are ready to begin dating? How are they suppose to approach finding new relationships when it may have been many years since they have experienced the dating scene? How do you prevent rushing into a relationship just…
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The Usefulness of Therapy During Divorce Mediation
Once a couple makes the decision to terminate their marriage through divorce mediation, they often will disregard the usefulness of therapy. However, the reality is that people usually need therapeutic assistance through the divorce and post-divorce adjustment process. Divorce is painful. It is often dictated by hurt, sadness, regret, blame, failure, and loneliness. Divorce mediators…
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